chickintheham

I haven’t blogged in a long time… I think it’s partly because I’ve started Twittering. AND I’m addicted to twitter… more so than I think anything else ever in my life. The whole blogging thing was sort of a vein self-medicating thing for me. It was good for me. But then Twitter happened. Still recently, I have had a few people ask me about my blog and I started thinking maybe it would be good for me to get back to it. It’s good for me to have a place to rant, rave and be a little nutty. Twitter doesn’t really fit that need totally.




So now, I will tell you, I have lots of things on my mind. I’m not sure where to start. Perhaps, I will start by telling you that currently God and I are fighting. I’m not in the depths of despair or anything… but I’ve been throwing some serious punches God’s way. It’s good that He loves me because only a loving father would put up with what I’ve been tossing His way. Saturday I was on the beach with my Sunday School class and at one point I had to get up and go for a walk by myself because I needed some time with God to yell. And I did yell. I sort of think that should make me a bad person… you know, yelling at the God of the Universe and all, but I don’t because God knows me and loves me and I don’t get anywhere by not being real with Him. In fact, I like getting in fights with God… so much so that sometimes I try to start one even when I don’t have anything to fight about. Those never really work out. But, this fight is real. I’m excited though because I know God is there listening. In this situation, He is not silent. It’s a fight. And I’m excited because I know that God is going to eventually set me straight and however the fight ends, it will be good because He is only good and that makes me excited. Now, I won’t lie, the fighting bit is rough. It hurts. But, I know the end will be good. I’m ready for the end. I wish the end would come now but I don’t know when it’ll come. This whole fight has been building for a long time… years even. So, it could go on for a while. But, I’m pretty certain at some point in the future God is going to say enough and settle it. I think there’s a lot for me to learn in this fight. I see glimpses of lessons everywhere but I haven’t quite grasped them yet… it’s sort of like a prize dangling out in front of me for when the gloves come off but I can’t just take them off…. Or can I? Is that one of the lessons I need to learn? Perhaps, but if so, I haven’t learned it yet. And of course the desire of my heart is to get my way when the fight ends. I sincerely want and hope for that but my head knows that what I want is not always good but what God wants … IS! So when the fight ends, I will have gotten my way OR God will have taught me a lesson… either way, I win. Lessons are hard though… that freaks me out a bit. I don’t want to learn a hard lesson. But, I do want the fight to end even if I do love a good fight.