chickintheham

This past Sunday I also spent some time talking with T. It was his second Sunday to be down there with us. He’s a mid age/older man. Maybe in his 60s. It’s so hard to tell sometimes. Life on the streets is hard so I don’t know if he really is older or if he has just aged faster. Anyway, he seems to be a quiet man. I myself am quiet. I really struggle to talk to people sometimes so I tend to notice that in other people and sort of feel a connection with them. Last week, I had welcomed him and asked him how he found out about us. He answered with short answers. Not much for me to follow up on. But he smiled when we talked a little.

Yesterday I was excited to see him under the overpass waiting on us. I wasn’t sure I’d get to see him again. I went over to tell him how happy I was to see him again. He just smiled. Then he quietly got his lunch, sat and ate it. He doesn’t seem to separate himself from others really. He’ll sit nearby and listen and grin from time to time.

Right before we were leaving, I wanted to talk to him again. I’m really not good at talking to people. I cannot stress that enough. But I wanted him to know he mattered to me. So I went back over and asked him where R was. I had learned he followed R to the group last time. He said he didn’t know and that he really didn’t know R that well. I said, “Oh.” Then after a minute he looked at me and said very quietly, “I really don’t like myself.” I was a little startled and not sure I heard him correctly because I really do have a hard time hearing people sometimes and he speaks very softly. So I stepped closer to him and said, “What?” And he repeated it. I asked him why. He said he didn’t know but he just didn’t and he didn’t know anyone. I’m telling you, heart to heart conversations and counseling sessions are not my thing. They really are not. You know how girls are known for being all emotional and caring…. That’s not me. I somehow missed that girl gene. I was somewhat lost. I told him that no matter what he thinks or feels that he matters, that he matters to me and that God loves him. He mumbled, “I know.” Then I pointed to the group and asked, “do you know any of the other fellas here?” He said no, so I turned to C and Q and introduced them to him. Q, immediately started talking about his shoes and invited him to follow him back to his place, the parking deck, to see if he had some shoes that would fit him. I could have hugged Q’s neck for that. I wasn’t sure that was the thing to do really but I couldn’t imagine living on the streets and feeling so alone. Before they left, one of the guys for the ministry prayed for Q and C and he prayed for T too. I heard him but I think T had stepped to the side so I’m not sure he heard it. I hope he did. Prayer is so powerful and it’s always nice to know people are praying for you. I assume that’s true even if you don’t know if you believe.

If you read this, feel free to pray for T and pray for the people in the ministry and me to have the words to encourage T. He broke my heart this week. I don’t know his story but I want him to be happy. I want him to have hope.